Discussing private parts with our kids can be a tricky thing specially in an Indian context. There is a lot of shame associated with the topic which makes parents shy away from telling their children some very important things about their bodies. Even if parents do want to teach their kids about their bodies, they worry about what older family members and other relations will say if their child knows the right names and facts about reproductive organs.

This feeling of shame and the feeling that reproductive organs are somehow “dirty” or to be “hidden” is a dangerous narrative that child sexual abusers use to their advantage. Predators use the simple fact that younger kids often do not know the names of their private parts, to abuse them. They may create a “nick-name” for the body part and make it a “game” to sexually abuse a child. They can reinforce the shame around private parts to ensure the child feels too embarrassed/scared to tell their parents.

These conversations can be uncomfortable, but they are essential for helping kids understand their bodies, boundaries, and how to stay safe. Here is a guide on how to approach these discussions.

1. Speak without embarrassment

This is important because kids can pick up your unspoken cues that show you are uncomfortable about something. You need to be completely matter-of-fact about this topic.

“We have different body parts – like arms and legs. Some body parts are private. That means they are just for you and we do not share them with anyone else.”

“No one should touch or see your private parts without your consent or permission except if it needs to be kept clean.”

“If someone touches/sees your private parts or asks you to touch/see their private parts, you should say no. Then make sure you tell your parents (or an adult you trust) about what happened.”

2. Use the real names of all private parts

Calling a penis a penis is not a bad thing. It’s a factual and correct way of teaching kids about their bodies.

“All or private parts have a use.”

“We all have an anus through which we do potty. We all have a urethra, which is a small hole through which we pass urine.”

3. Describe all functions clearly and without embarrassment

Do tell boys and girls about private parts of both genders. It’s not enough for girls and boys just to know about their bodies. They must also have an understanding of the body of the other gender so that they cannot be manipulated by an abuser.

“Boys have their urethra at the end of the penis which has a tube which carries the urine out.”

“The penis also helps boys make babies one day when they grow up.”

“Girls also have a urethra which is a short tube which helps them to pee.”

“Girls have a vagina which helps them have babies one day when they are grown up. It’s like a tunnel that connects the outside of her body to her uterus – a place where the baby can grow.”

“Girls also have a vulva around the vagina and urethra which is like a little house that protects the vagina and urethra inside.”

4. Encourage questions and further discussion

Remember, this information must come to your child from a trusted source – YOU. You must also ensure that your child understands that he/she can come to you with questions and freely ask about whatever they want to know. Abusers can use the natural curiosity of kids to manipulate them by giving them incorrect information about their bodies.

“If you ever have any questions about your body or anything else, I’m here to answer them for you. You can always come and talk to me.”

Having a frank and open discussion with your child is the best way to protect them from potential manipulation from abusers. Giving them the right information at the right age and being there to address any questions is the most impactful way to prevent child sexual abuse.